Treize Versus Zechs
by Asuka Kureru
Summary: Like the title says. :P Very silly thing, some Treize and Zechs mocking, you're warned.


**__**

Treize VS Zechs, FIGHT!!  


Born from a conversation with Meanne77, refined with help from Kitty Chou and Zan-zan...   
  
Treize VS Zechs, which of the two is the best... ulmm, the less worse?   
  
(okay, I don't really like Treize but I respect him. I can't stand Zechs. You _will_ notice that. Sorry for those who do like him, I'm only kidding, honest ;p )   
  
  
**Names**:   
Treize: The number thirteen is linked to superstition, luck/bad luck, etceteras; it gives off an impression of someone playing with destiny. Plus, I think it sounds good. On the other hand, his last name is tongue-curling. Kushrenada...   
Zechs: Sounds like sex. Which is a plus when you wanna attract women and a serious minus when you're a teenager because everyone is laughing at your face. Merquise... Yeah, sounds ok.   
Winner: Depends if we count sexy-Zechsy's second name. 'cause when you're called Milliardo... no.   
  
  
**Personality**:   
Treize: Suave (+1), charming (+1), manipulator (-5 because it pisses me off), noble (+2), cruel with birds ( take that the way you want :p ), has a kind of superior-smug smile (-2), tendency to imagine self as the director of a theater troop and the lead actor at the same time(-3)   
Zechs: Noble (+2), haughty (-1), lotsa self-pity (-2), brainless (-2) tendency to expect everyone to fall at his feet and become his loyal minion (Noin and Otto spoiled him, -4)   
Winner: Treize.   
  
  
**Sexuality**:  
Treize: flaming, but was adventurous and studly enough to knock up his nurse. In a hospital bed and when he was injured. *applauses* Manages to keep Une and Zechs after him. And Wufei too if you want to see it that way.   
Zechs: so far in the closet that he doesn't think there's anything weird with wearing bitch boots to work. Only attracts in-denial bull dykes and men with bad hair and a Dominance/submission fetish. Doesn't think anything of his obsession about beating Heero... proving his dominance on him... seeing him on his knees in front of him... bruised, bleeding, pleading... Okay, I'll stop with the NCS vibes ^.^;   
Winner: *gives Treize the Red Rose of Comfortable Gayness*   
  
  
**Clothes**:   
Treize: Uniform, sexy and elegant, bitch boots ( +1 because it's sexy)  
Zechs: Uniform sexy and elegant, bitch boots ( + 1 because it's sexy), A RIDICULOUS HELMET ( -5 ), red t-shirt when he's at Howard (+3, too bad he doesn't keep the look), looks like a gigolo paid to influence Ann in his Sank costume ( -1), the grey coat of the White Fang uniform isn't really ugly but looks a little weird, not quite sure why...   
Winner: Treize stays with the good values, Zechs is more varied (but some of his choices are ridiculous, like the helmet). So it depends on the moment in the series.   
  
  
**Hair**:   
Treize: Banal brownish color, weird mini bangs, three tons of hair gel.   
Zechs: pretty locks framing his face, an unique color, very long, smooth hair.   
Winner: Zechs, largely. His brain has to be of use, if only as hair mulch. Sexy Zechsy, Space Barbie!!   
  
  
**Eyebrows**:   
Treize: Can fence using them.  
Zechs: Can't.   
Winner: ... but I like the weird eyebrows... ;_;  


****

Fanservice  
Treize: Turns up naked (+5 for sexiness factor, +3 for effort) in a greek ruin turned into a bathtub (+5 for coolness factor).  
Zechs: Turns up in sexy red shirt (+6 for sexiness factor, -2 for effort... he didn't even go there himself) in Howard's bed (-40 for the creepy mental picture it gave me).  
Winner: I'd say Treize but that smug smirk as he bathed was kinda irritating... Yes, we know you're a smooth, sexy beast. No need to rub our noses in.

  
  
**Faithful minion... err, designated female counterpart**:   
Treize: compliments Une all the time, offers her roses and makes her think that she has a chance.   
--Une: Can do anything for Treize, be it piloting mobile suits, assassinating people, sacrificing her own life or drawing him a bath (+15), is psycho (-5), has an ugly hairdo as commandant Une (-2), looks like she's on Valium as Nice Une (-2) wears a pinkish uniform (-3) wanted to kill Relena (+5)  
  
Zechs: treats Noin sorta like a buddy, except when he needs her for something like protect his sister. Most of the time barely remembers that she exists.   
--Noin: Can do nearly anything for Zechs, except help him out when he tries to destroy the Earth, contenting herself with not doing anything (+2) is sexy in Oz or Sank uniform and in a green tanktop (+5), looks ridiculous in her cowboy getup (-2, well, really, it fits with some of Zechs' fashion faux pas, +1) is intelligent (+2) turns into a moron and forgets her ideals as soon as Zechs is around (-4)   
  
Winner: As a person, Noin is more balanced than Une and I'd be prouder to have her than Une as my friend, but as minion, Une is a lot more efficient. You gotta admit that as far as Minion Training goes, Treize is a lot better. Plus he has a two-in-one model.   
  
  
**Family**:  
Treize: Is related to Dorothy.  
Zechs: Is related to Relena:  
Winner: It's kind of choosing between malice and stupidity.   
  
  
**Influence on the pilots**:   
Treize: Manages to make Heero do his dirty job, destabilizes Wufei, preventing him from fighting for some time, and mindfucking him so well that after his death Wufei will betray his previous ideals and allies to help his daughter.   
Zechs: Gets his butt kicked by Heero on a regular basis.   
Winner: Treize. No discussion.   
  
  
**Philosophy**:   
Treize: Wants to make humankind disgusted by War by forcing them to realize how awful it is. Basically wants to make war to stop War. (kinda stupid when you think about it). Wants to unite Earth and the Colonies. Using military means, thus recreating the situation from twenty years ago when the Alliance took power, so in fact there's a chance that if he'd won, he wouldn't have changed anything.   
Zechs: Changes his ideals as often as his dirty socks. Finds a new reason to live and get revenge every time the old one doesn't work anymore. Is first against the Colonies, then with the Sank kingdom, trying to pass for a pacifist, then against Earth. TRIES TO BLOW UP EARTH.   
Winner: ... Treize. He's a megalomaniac but at least he doesn't think that destroying the Earth is an intelligent solution to stop War. Hey, moron, if Earth ain't here anymore, what's stopping the Colonies from drifting into the sun, amongst other things?   
  
  
Treize: Has the decency to keel over in a heroic fashion to pay back his faults. It makes swallowing the horrible things he did to reach his ideals a little easier. Even if he's still a fucking manipulator.   
Zechs: Does not die. Even when he fucking well should.   
Winner: ... è.é no comment.


End file.
